Sin & Guilt Trips
There is something, likely more than ONE thing, that I have been rolling around in my head for some time now. Sometimes my brain plays pin ball.....bouncing from subject to subject and I attempt to score by stopping the ball long enough to have a thorough thought. I'm never successful unless I write it down, and sometimes even then thats just ranting.
I come from a family of Baptists. Ok, not all of them, just my mother. As a young woman she was heavily influenced by a pastor that insisted on women wearing dresses at all times, no makeup and men having short hair and wearing ties. They encouraged beating your children into submission. She subjected mostly my brothers to this, especially my oldest brother who was very trying.
As a child I was only allowed to go to private schools. These dress codes along with numerous other rules helped to reinforce that very principle.....CONTROL. We were paddled for several different types of infractions. Don't turn in your homework three times in one semester and you stood in front of the class, grabbed your ankles and took three whacks. I once received this punishment for spilling my milk at the lunch table. We received whacks on the hands with a ruler in study hall if we made noise.
Everything was about punishment for SIN.
It was a sin to wear your dress above the knee. We didnt get paddled for that but had to change our clothes. It was a sin to have a hirt that dipped 2 fingers below your collar bone. Again, no spanking but had got to wear a dickie. I was once told by a teacher that the only reason that I dyed my hair was that I was not thankful for the way God made me. Not exactly a sin, but a definate guilt trip.
Every day we learned chapter after chapter of the Bible. Every Friday we heard a sermon by the school principal about the horrors of hell and sins damnation. We were SINNERS, and we must be REALLY REALLY SAVED. (Im still not sure why really, really....I figured saved was likely good enough).
Our teachers were far from loving. They were there to enforce a dress code, a morality code and to inflict guilt trips and beatings upon the guilty sinners. I don't recall many messages about God's love.
My mother sort of fell into this category. To this day she is very judgemental. God will not bless my life because of this sin or that. In no way have I ever claimed any sort of perfection. I know the difference between right and wrong and even when Im not too sure, I err on the side of it must be wrong. That is ingrained into my psyche. God either loves you or you are disappointing Him. You are either in His favor or you are not. You either love Him and follow His commandments or you deny Him. And my favorite......you either go to church on Sunday or you are a heathen. At least that is what she leads me to believe....and sometimes I do. Almost every Sunday I wake up feeling like a crappy person because I didn't get up early enough for church.
I can fill up with self-hate and stay that way for a very long time.
I stuggle with this simply because I do believe in God, I do believe in the voice of the Holy Spirit...I have heard it. I do know however, that never once has THAT voice lead me to feel anything but grace and forgiveness. Of course I have felt some guilt.....but not the kind of guilt that makes me want to run and hide in shame. It's more of a guilt that makes me want to run toward it and be made clean.
I despise other people trying to force their positions on me. I dont know anyone who likes that attribute and I dont care that it's all "in my best interest." Isn't that between me and God? Did God make a perfect person that could point a finger at another and decide for God and for them what is "in their best interest."
I make stupid choices. I am aware of that. I also pay my own consequences. While I can fully understand that as a parent you dont want to see your child hurt, even if it is self inflicted, I do not understand a Christian life without compassion. I mean, what's the point?
In a life influenced mostly by the equivalent of the Pharaisees in Biblical times, I often wonder how people like this find themselves so righteous. What is Christ-like about finger pointing and gossipping? What was Christ if not compassionate?
I come from a family of Baptists. Ok, not all of them, just my mother. As a young woman she was heavily influenced by a pastor that insisted on women wearing dresses at all times, no makeup and men having short hair and wearing ties. They encouraged beating your children into submission. She subjected mostly my brothers to this, especially my oldest brother who was very trying.
As a child I was only allowed to go to private schools. These dress codes along with numerous other rules helped to reinforce that very principle.....CONTROL. We were paddled for several different types of infractions. Don't turn in your homework three times in one semester and you stood in front of the class, grabbed your ankles and took three whacks. I once received this punishment for spilling my milk at the lunch table. We received whacks on the hands with a ruler in study hall if we made noise.
Everything was about punishment for SIN.
It was a sin to wear your dress above the knee. We didnt get paddled for that but had to change our clothes. It was a sin to have a hirt that dipped 2 fingers below your collar bone. Again, no spanking but had got to wear a dickie. I was once told by a teacher that the only reason that I dyed my hair was that I was not thankful for the way God made me. Not exactly a sin, but a definate guilt trip.
Every day we learned chapter after chapter of the Bible. Every Friday we heard a sermon by the school principal about the horrors of hell and sins damnation. We were SINNERS, and we must be REALLY REALLY SAVED. (Im still not sure why really, really....I figured saved was likely good enough).
Our teachers were far from loving. They were there to enforce a dress code, a morality code and to inflict guilt trips and beatings upon the guilty sinners. I don't recall many messages about God's love.
My mother sort of fell into this category. To this day she is very judgemental. God will not bless my life because of this sin or that. In no way have I ever claimed any sort of perfection. I know the difference between right and wrong and even when Im not too sure, I err on the side of it must be wrong. That is ingrained into my psyche. God either loves you or you are disappointing Him. You are either in His favor or you are not. You either love Him and follow His commandments or you deny Him. And my favorite......you either go to church on Sunday or you are a heathen. At least that is what she leads me to believe....and sometimes I do. Almost every Sunday I wake up feeling like a crappy person because I didn't get up early enough for church.
I can fill up with self-hate and stay that way for a very long time.
I stuggle with this simply because I do believe in God, I do believe in the voice of the Holy Spirit...I have heard it. I do know however, that never once has THAT voice lead me to feel anything but grace and forgiveness. Of course I have felt some guilt.....but not the kind of guilt that makes me want to run and hide in shame. It's more of a guilt that makes me want to run toward it and be made clean.
I despise other people trying to force their positions on me. I dont know anyone who likes that attribute and I dont care that it's all "in my best interest." Isn't that between me and God? Did God make a perfect person that could point a finger at another and decide for God and for them what is "in their best interest."
I make stupid choices. I am aware of that. I also pay my own consequences. While I can fully understand that as a parent you dont want to see your child hurt, even if it is self inflicted, I do not understand a Christian life without compassion. I mean, what's the point?
In a life influenced mostly by the equivalent of the Pharaisees in Biblical times, I often wonder how people like this find themselves so righteous. What is Christ-like about finger pointing and gossipping? What was Christ if not compassionate?
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 2:05 PM
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