Sweet Tooth
I have a sweet tooth. Things like donuts and M&M's talk to me....no its not the medication, it has always been this way. I am drawn to chocolate by some magnetic field in the universe that always overpowers me and sucks me into temptation. What I would give to be one of those folks who complains that they cant GAIN weight. Shut the hell up because I just cant see how thats a big problem. I have no sympathy for you and dont want to hear it. I can gain five pounds drooling over a box of Krispy Kremes wihtout ever having to touch them.
Our entire office, minus one skinny guy is on a diet. We have all fallen prey to the M&M vending machine.
A few days ago someone had a birthday. As is customary, said dude received a chocolate cake from his wife. I had flash backs to last years cake, layer after layer of chocolate fudge and it was so good (and HUGE) that the sucker was here for a week and there wasnt a single day during that time that I did not go home with a stomach ache, swearing not to eat another piece the next day, only to give in and repeat the process. Stupid, yes, but Im just that way about chocolate. I was fortunate this year and able to resist the calls because she screwed up and destroyed the cake by putting coconut on it. Coconut should not be added to food, it should only be used as tanning lotion. I won that round.
Round two the next day. Boss brings in donuts. I am checking them out, only looking, fantasizing about how the long ones with creamy butterscotch frosting would taste. I resist, Im on a diet. I dont even open the box, the smell of them alone would drive me into a donut eating frenzy. Usually when this happens, the boss takes the leftovers home so 8 hours is the total length of my ability to not cave. Do I need to mention that the skinny person just happens to BE the boss???
So this morning I walk into the break room and here sits the chocolate cake, the box of donuts. usually in the first day, someone gets ahold of the good donuts and chows them before I have the chance. Not this time. There sits damn donut staring at me. Still I am strong and I resist.
I mention to others that it would be nice if they would eliminate this problem by eating what has been generously offered to them. Nobody is interested. Of course not! If I actaully wanted to eat the damn things we would be tripping over each other to get to the box. They are now two days old. Like that has any bearing. Like a donut has a shelf life. I can still lick off the frosting, lick the chocolate from the cake like I do at home and ruin it for everyone else. And I should.
Skinny boss brings the donuts out of the break room, opens the box and sets it on the counter in front of my desk. Laughter ensues from those I have asked for assistance, particularly when my eyes get huge and my stomach growls the second I get a whiff of the frosting. Dont try to tell me my body has any desire for me to resist.
I snatched up said box and took it promptly back to the break room. Men, they just have no idea how close I came to just shoving my face into the box and licking all the donuts. And I should have.....then they could all be upset about me ruining the donuts they would now want to eat instead of my stomach sitting here all pissed off and growling because I told it no. I have 7 more hours today to fight my belly and I hope to win this one. I keep telling it I have already eaten one. Yea, thats some dumb diet thing i did to myself when I had an eating disorder back in high school. It works, if you want to have an arguement with your brain half the day.
Thank God this diet allows for cheese sticks with Ranch or I would be dead. They actually laugh at me at the clinic because I eat pizza so many times per week. Of course I do now, Im only allowed 2 damn pieces of plain pizza. I have to have it at least 3 times a week to make up for the loss. They make me drink juice (blech) and eat fake chocolate bars. They are nasty tasting, kind of like baking chocolate, but again ya have to tell your brain its yummy and its a snickers. My brain aint buying that one, my tastebuds arent either, but when you are on a no junk food diet, even baking chocolate starts to taste good.
Our entire office, minus one skinny guy is on a diet. We have all fallen prey to the M&M vending machine.
A few days ago someone had a birthday. As is customary, said dude received a chocolate cake from his wife. I had flash backs to last years cake, layer after layer of chocolate fudge and it was so good (and HUGE) that the sucker was here for a week and there wasnt a single day during that time that I did not go home with a stomach ache, swearing not to eat another piece the next day, only to give in and repeat the process. Stupid, yes, but Im just that way about chocolate. I was fortunate this year and able to resist the calls because she screwed up and destroyed the cake by putting coconut on it. Coconut should not be added to food, it should only be used as tanning lotion. I won that round.
Round two the next day. Boss brings in donuts. I am checking them out, only looking, fantasizing about how the long ones with creamy butterscotch frosting would taste. I resist, Im on a diet. I dont even open the box, the smell of them alone would drive me into a donut eating frenzy. Usually when this happens, the boss takes the leftovers home so 8 hours is the total length of my ability to not cave. Do I need to mention that the skinny person just happens to BE the boss???
So this morning I walk into the break room and here sits the chocolate cake, the box of donuts. usually in the first day, someone gets ahold of the good donuts and chows them before I have the chance. Not this time. There sits damn donut staring at me. Still I am strong and I resist.
I mention to others that it would be nice if they would eliminate this problem by eating what has been generously offered to them. Nobody is interested. Of course not! If I actaully wanted to eat the damn things we would be tripping over each other to get to the box. They are now two days old. Like that has any bearing. Like a donut has a shelf life. I can still lick off the frosting, lick the chocolate from the cake like I do at home and ruin it for everyone else. And I should.
Skinny boss brings the donuts out of the break room, opens the box and sets it on the counter in front of my desk. Laughter ensues from those I have asked for assistance, particularly when my eyes get huge and my stomach growls the second I get a whiff of the frosting. Dont try to tell me my body has any desire for me to resist.
I snatched up said box and took it promptly back to the break room. Men, they just have no idea how close I came to just shoving my face into the box and licking all the donuts. And I should have.....then they could all be upset about me ruining the donuts they would now want to eat instead of my stomach sitting here all pissed off and growling because I told it no. I have 7 more hours today to fight my belly and I hope to win this one. I keep telling it I have already eaten one. Yea, thats some dumb diet thing i did to myself when I had an eating disorder back in high school. It works, if you want to have an arguement with your brain half the day.
Thank God this diet allows for cheese sticks with Ranch or I would be dead. They actually laugh at me at the clinic because I eat pizza so many times per week. Of course I do now, Im only allowed 2 damn pieces of plain pizza. I have to have it at least 3 times a week to make up for the loss. They make me drink juice (blech) and eat fake chocolate bars. They are nasty tasting, kind of like baking chocolate, but again ya have to tell your brain its yummy and its a snickers. My brain aint buying that one, my tastebuds arent either, but when you are on a no junk food diet, even baking chocolate starts to taste good.
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 9:50 AM
3 Comments:
A quick whiff of ammonia will kill all taste buds temporarily and does the same thing for smells. I used this method to deter me from smoking. It started by accident. I was trying to get my damage deposit back. I was scrubbing and went for a cigarette break and UCK! The cigarettes tasted nasty. I put 2 and 2 together found a great way to quit smoking. The other benefit was avoiding the subsequent weight gain...
Another option is to blow snot all over them "accidently". One well placed sneeze can render a box of frosted-fat inedible...
Did you know that sugar free jello chocolate pudding aint half bad? And swiss miss has a sugar and fat free hot chocolate too.
Now the carcinigens may get you but what the hell, you will look mauve-a-lus Dauhling.
oh how i can relate to the sweet tooth! i have literally a RAGING, repeat RAGING sweet tooth from taking Seroquel. it's like i gotta have it, like a junkie with a bad jones. i wish you well on your diet quest, but baking chocolate? sorry, i'd rather eat a bag of Hershey bars than baking chocolate lol
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