Best Laid Plans
I'm a jerk. This past week was full of more mania....more spending money and not knowing where or when, planning unrealistic things and in general doing stupid shit and pissing people off. Lovely.
Several times last night I started phone conversations, got interrupted, promised to call back and forgot. I hope they weren't too important because I sure as hell don't remember the majority of them. I hate that. Hate that I can piece together parts of a conversation, but usually the important thing in it is missing....and it drives me nuts trying to recall it. My minds plays back pieces parts and since the memory is so incomplete it plays it over and over trying to figure out the ending.
Anyway, I pissed off my kids and the children of my best friend. Great.
Every year the middle child wants to take a camping trip and waterslide trip for her birthday. For the past 6 years or so that's just what we do. Everyone looks forward to it, it's the only time we travel 70 miles just to play in the water. But it's a tradition. She gets to invite one friend but usually there is a large group of us there. So this year she wanted to invite my best friend and her kids. They have grown up together and behave like siblings, minus the hair pulling and name calling. I invited everyone. The original plan was that the friend would come too, but she bowed out on Monday. Not a problem I explained in my mania. Mr Live In and I will take all the kids and have a blast!
So we are discussing this a few nights ago. He didnt argue over my gracious invitation, I would have likely thrown a big ol shit fit if he had. Instead as I started planning the little details.......like say, the ride there I started to realize that I'm a stupid jerk. There is no way that he and I can get 15 people into our vehicles, Not to mention I have no desire whatsoever to try to contain 15 kids all day long, feed 15 kids, try to get 15 kids to bed in tents and expect them to stay there. NO, NO, NO!!!!! Not to mention the planned sleepover tonight so that we could all be up and at em at 7 am. 15 kids in my house for a sleepover. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
So I called best friend and told her Im a jerk. She said she kinda wondered how I planned on pulling it off but didnt question it. Why the fuck not???? Was she so anxious to pawn her spawn on me for the weekend that she didn't care if I shoved them all in the back of the pickup and drove them 70 miles out of town? I was annoyed with her for the pawn thing anyway. No thanks, I cant come.....but you surely can take all of my children. Fuck you.
Anyway, I feel bad for being such a jerk to the kids. I feel bad for setting their hopes up and then telling them my fantasies can't work themselves out in reality. They understood sort of. But when I suggested that we all meet out at the lake for a get together to make up for my idiocy, I was told that was gay. Sheesh, I guess Im still a dink.
Side note: I might be a jerk and a dink but so is my best friend. She has something urgent to talk to me about. Likely some stupid shit about her b\f that does not require my approval anyway. So I get an email from her today. She wants me to meet her for drinks (all the time). I said no thanks, not interested in being in public at the moment. Well fuck me for putting her off!!! I get another mail......well how long do you think it will be before you are fully operational? In other words, hurry your ass up with your mental problems bitch so I can unload my shit on to you. Even more frightening is that she has a degree in social work. Hopefully she only asks stupid shit like that to her friends.
Several times last night I started phone conversations, got interrupted, promised to call back and forgot. I hope they weren't too important because I sure as hell don't remember the majority of them. I hate that. Hate that I can piece together parts of a conversation, but usually the important thing in it is missing....and it drives me nuts trying to recall it. My minds plays back pieces parts and since the memory is so incomplete it plays it over and over trying to figure out the ending.
Anyway, I pissed off my kids and the children of my best friend. Great.
Every year the middle child wants to take a camping trip and waterslide trip for her birthday. For the past 6 years or so that's just what we do. Everyone looks forward to it, it's the only time we travel 70 miles just to play in the water. But it's a tradition. She gets to invite one friend but usually there is a large group of us there. So this year she wanted to invite my best friend and her kids. They have grown up together and behave like siblings, minus the hair pulling and name calling. I invited everyone. The original plan was that the friend would come too, but she bowed out on Monday. Not a problem I explained in my mania. Mr Live In and I will take all the kids and have a blast!
So we are discussing this a few nights ago. He didnt argue over my gracious invitation, I would have likely thrown a big ol shit fit if he had. Instead as I started planning the little details.......like say, the ride there I started to realize that I'm a stupid jerk. There is no way that he and I can get 15 people into our vehicles, Not to mention I have no desire whatsoever to try to contain 15 kids all day long, feed 15 kids, try to get 15 kids to bed in tents and expect them to stay there. NO, NO, NO!!!!! Not to mention the planned sleepover tonight so that we could all be up and at em at 7 am. 15 kids in my house for a sleepover. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
So I called best friend and told her Im a jerk. She said she kinda wondered how I planned on pulling it off but didnt question it. Why the fuck not???? Was she so anxious to pawn her spawn on me for the weekend that she didn't care if I shoved them all in the back of the pickup and drove them 70 miles out of town? I was annoyed with her for the pawn thing anyway. No thanks, I cant come.....but you surely can take all of my children. Fuck you.
Anyway, I feel bad for being such a jerk to the kids. I feel bad for setting their hopes up and then telling them my fantasies can't work themselves out in reality. They understood sort of. But when I suggested that we all meet out at the lake for a get together to make up for my idiocy, I was told that was gay. Sheesh, I guess Im still a dink.
Side note: I might be a jerk and a dink but so is my best friend. She has something urgent to talk to me about. Likely some stupid shit about her b\f that does not require my approval anyway. So I get an email from her today. She wants me to meet her for drinks (all the time). I said no thanks, not interested in being in public at the moment. Well fuck me for putting her off!!! I get another mail......well how long do you think it will be before you are fully operational? In other words, hurry your ass up with your mental problems bitch so I can unload my shit on to you. Even more frightening is that she has a degree in social work. Hopefully she only asks stupid shit like that to her friends.
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 11:39 AM
4 Comments:
The first two paragraphs made me cry, literally. To read something that sounded so much like how I feel, and to know that someone else feels how I feel.
Thank you for writing this.
Take Care,
Shannin
http://looneybindropout.blog-city.com
The first two paragraphs made me cry, literally. To read something that sounded so much like how I feel, and to know that someone else feels how I feel.
Thank you for writing this.
Take Care,
Shannin
http://looneybindropout.blog-city.com
The first two paragraphs made me cry, literally. To read something that sounded so much like how I feel, and to know that someone else feels how I feel.
Thank you for writing this.
Take Care,
Shannin
http://looneybindropout.blog-city.com
Totally understand your anger at the 'So,when are you gonna get your s*** together?'angle from your friend .Not sure how ready anyone would be for a few quiet drinks after that line.
Hoping things get a bit better for you.
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