Nosey Neighbors
I value my privacy. I have never enjoyed people simply popping over for a visit out of the blue unless it is my family. Please call before you come, I may not be up for company.
There are not alot of people that understand me in that way. My mother was always a very soiciable person, making friends all over just being her friendly and sometimes goofy self. People are naturally drawn to her and she to them.
I can be sociable, but for the most part, feeling like I have no control over how long I have to entertain you is very uncomfortable for me. There are days I won't even answer the phone and have trained the kids in the house not to take calls for me. These are usually the same days that my brain decides it will not produce a single intelligible sentence. I'm not very keen on looking like a moron, who is? So I avoid any situation that might put me there.
I was proud of myself on Sunday.....briefly. I took a trip to Wal-Mart, knowing full well that I was in no position to be in public..least not of all i n a crowded store. One wrong move and she could blow!!! : ) But I managed, I did well, unti it was over....THEN I got bitchy. All weekend long the house was full of kids, full of activity and I just felt like the very sound of another child's voice and I would pop. I generally dont get that way, but they were cranky and bickery all weekend and who doesnt that make crabby?
Back to the earlier rant.
I live in a trailer court. The houses are pretty close together and I can feel claustrophobic about it at times. I do have a yard and beautiful garden. I love to sit on the porch and just be outside. It relaxes me. UNTIL......
I have a neighbor that lives a lone. He is a buddhist monk. I enjoy the fact that he is sociable and doesnt just pretend (like I do) that nobody else is around. However, he gets a tad too sociable and I feel my life is being invaded. I cant step out on the porch to do anything, much less wander around my own yard, without his joining me. It makes me crazy. I cant afford a fence to block him out, and Im not sure how to approach any of it without hurting his feelings. Last night he tried to draw me into a conversation and I was rude, sick to death of being bantered over every little thing.
How do you tell a kind a lonely person that their presence is sometimes overwhelming and irritating? I shouldnt have to feel like I have to look out the window to be sure you arent home before I can go outside and not be bothered! He lurks comstantly on my side of his house, even though his front yard and plants are all on the other side.
I hate feeling this way. I truly wish my life was always an open book and my house was a warm inviting place that anyone could enter any time. The problem is I am becoming more and more aware of my moods and needing privacy is imperative to not allowing the world to see when I'm not feeling myself. It's bad enough that I have no desire to leave the house, I would at least like to be able to feel like the yard is is part of my safe haven.
Im ranting, I know it........
There are not alot of people that understand me in that way. My mother was always a very soiciable person, making friends all over just being her friendly and sometimes goofy self. People are naturally drawn to her and she to them.
I can be sociable, but for the most part, feeling like I have no control over how long I have to entertain you is very uncomfortable for me. There are days I won't even answer the phone and have trained the kids in the house not to take calls for me. These are usually the same days that my brain decides it will not produce a single intelligible sentence. I'm not very keen on looking like a moron, who is? So I avoid any situation that might put me there.
I was proud of myself on Sunday.....briefly. I took a trip to Wal-Mart, knowing full well that I was in no position to be in public..least not of all i n a crowded store. One wrong move and she could blow!!! : ) But I managed, I did well, unti it was over....THEN I got bitchy. All weekend long the house was full of kids, full of activity and I just felt like the very sound of another child's voice and I would pop. I generally dont get that way, but they were cranky and bickery all weekend and who doesnt that make crabby?
Back to the earlier rant.
I live in a trailer court. The houses are pretty close together and I can feel claustrophobic about it at times. I do have a yard and beautiful garden. I love to sit on the porch and just be outside. It relaxes me. UNTIL......
I have a neighbor that lives a lone. He is a buddhist monk. I enjoy the fact that he is sociable and doesnt just pretend (like I do) that nobody else is around. However, he gets a tad too sociable and I feel my life is being invaded. I cant step out on the porch to do anything, much less wander around my own yard, without his joining me. It makes me crazy. I cant afford a fence to block him out, and Im not sure how to approach any of it without hurting his feelings. Last night he tried to draw me into a conversation and I was rude, sick to death of being bantered over every little thing.
How do you tell a kind a lonely person that their presence is sometimes overwhelming and irritating? I shouldnt have to feel like I have to look out the window to be sure you arent home before I can go outside and not be bothered! He lurks comstantly on my side of his house, even though his front yard and plants are all on the other side.
I hate feeling this way. I truly wish my life was always an open book and my house was a warm inviting place that anyone could enter any time. The problem is I am becoming more and more aware of my moods and needing privacy is imperative to not allowing the world to see when I'm not feeling myself. It's bad enough that I have no desire to leave the house, I would at least like to be able to feel like the yard is is part of my safe haven.
Im ranting, I know it........
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 9:11 AM
3 Comments:
I know how you feel...except I feel this way about dating...I like the person, but I need my space. I feel bad for needing so much space...but I still need it. I think that if privacy is something of which we put great value - then its really important that we have it. Hmmm...I dont know what I'd do in your situation. Have you tried telling him that you came outside to sit by yourself because you need some solitude?? Surely a monk would understand that!
Ditto about the phone, most people now know they won't get me via the phone.I'm not a person who can tolerate idle chit chat about the weather with people who are not close family.I'm sure a lot of people think it's quite odd but I'm not bothered,I value my little space more than anything and my house in certainly a closed book to most others.
Don't hate yourself for it, if it puts you at ease and makes you comfortable then embrace it.
I normally don't like to be alone, but I lived in an apartment and I became very close with all of my neighbors. I like to have all of my curtains and windows open, but I was on the first floor and my kitchen window was open to the parking lot. My friends would actually knock on my window and wave - it started to drive me insane! My friends did know that I was bipolar and I told them that sometimes I just couldn't be bothered, and they knew that crabbiness was my biggest side effect. I told them that, when they are walking by, I do see them, and do not wave to me unless I wave first. They all respected that once I explained that it was the bipolar. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them, it would just set me off sometimes, even if I was already in a good mood. Be honest. If he doesn't understand then you certainly don't want that kind of friendship.
Post a Comment
<< Home