Rage

Apparently I am full of it. I got an email the other day with this cartoon guy banging his head on his computer until blood spurted all over, his eyeballs fell out and eventually exploded. I laughed.....hysterically. Until tears ran down my face. I snorted. Laughed some more. Got a tissue. I could not stop the tears and the belly laughs. It started to imbarass me so I went outside. Yup, all this at work. Lovely.

So when my spasms finally calmed I emailed it to a co-worker who witnessed my insane display. He gave it a small chuckle, look at me and said "Apparently you have some rage issues." OMG! The laughter came back with a few small snorts.

I have rage. I dont know why. I think its probably rage that I have this fucking shit, its screwing up my world right now and yes it pisses me off to be only half functional. Im angry about my world shrinking, my memory fading and scared shitless that at some point I am going to snap and get hospitalized. Im angry that my behavior is child like and irresponsible. Im angry that Im angry!

Dont ask me when I THINK i will feel better.....If I knew that I would hole up in my house until it went away.