Sex
Thats right, todays blog is about sex. Perhaps some of my blogging friends can help me understand men.....bruhahaha. Not likely, but this is what is on the brain, so this is what you get. Lucky you.
Then entire time I was married my sex life confused me. I had a high sex drive at the time, or at least I thought I did....simply because my ex wasn't all that into the act. Once a month and the man was good to go. It wasnt a cage rattling experience or intimate by any means. It was a constant state of aggravation for me the entire time. Five whole minutes and it was over until next month. Needless to say it left me feeling unwanted, undesirable and at best, his friend. I dont recall many times it wasnt just plain awkward. I mean a hole in the fence could have provided him with that much. He had a vasectomy after our third child. Part of being neutered included.....you have to expel "the good stuff" before it is safe to not get pregnant. The doctor told him at least 15 times. I recall a day in my frustrated state that he flatly told me that he was on number 10. WHAT? I asked him point blank why I was not included in any of these rendevous. How can you be in the same house with a man that will not touch you, yet he is expelling himself 10 times in a matter of weeks!!! ALONE! And WHY? I came to the conclusion that he liked himself better than me. I wanted more sex, he knew that. We had counseling sessions and he told the counselor that he "just didnt think about it". It had nothing to do with men, he just didnt think about it??? Obiously he just wasnt thinking about ME. He preferred intimate encounters ALONE. Freak.
Fast forward to after our separation. I met MRLI and he had (and still has) the sex drive of a rabbit. One of the things I liked about him was that he was intimate. He loves to cuddle, loves affection in any form....never pushes me away for "hanging on him" during a hug. It made me feel desirable, wanted. We could lay wrapped in each others arms the entire night without moving. It was comforting, I was finally desired. Our mutual need for affection turned into major lust. We couldnt be around each other for long without feeling completely lustful. We had a magic, a physical connection that neither of us had ever had with anyone else. Chemistry.
I say HAD because I have somehow dropped out of that equation. Changes in meds, none of which have ever done anything but either kill my sex drive completley or leave me too drained to want to participate, have greatly affected this connection.
Sunday night when I got home from my big trip he was all over me. I felt pretty drained from the lack of sleep, so I told him after a restful night I would be more likely to want to participate. Monday night I found myself still tired, so tired that at 8 pm I was cuddling on the bed with my youngest, and he enters the room.....really pissed off. Of course my reaction was to be pissed that I couldnt sleep when I needed to. Ive always had insomnia and if my body was willing, and my mind is participating.....why is this NOT ALLOWED? That opportunity doesnt present itself very often. So instead of sleeping I did what I normally do when tired.....move. Just keep moving until the "allowed" bedtime. Naturally when we went to bed I was irritated at his childishness, so he knew better than to attempt anything. Jokingly I told him the next morning that "tonights the night".....apparently he looked forward to that all day. I hadnt given it a second thought. It was however "the night", and all was well. The following morning he was all over me again.....does this ever stop? Sheesh, can we still not be in the same room without ripping off all of our clothes???
My daughter brought home a book. I picked it up and started flipping through the pages. The first few chapters and I was hooked. It's a story of shocking abuse....similar to the sotry of Dave Pelzer's. I wish I could think of the name, but regardless, I was peeling back my eyelids as I tried to get through each chapter exhausted. MRLI was annoyed that I took the book to bed, but I couldnt put it down! I fell asleep reading.
This morning came his confession. As he rolled over and once again tried to become intimate (standard morning wake up call) I mumbled in frustration and climbed out of bed. He was visibly irritated, and I honestly didnt know why. Our house has been in chaos. There was my trip, shopping for my daughters weekend ski trip, my sister has been in the hospital for almost two weeks close to death.....Sex simply hasnt crossed my mind. It's nothing personal, but everyone knows I have a one track mind and am not capable of juggling ten things at once without becoming a raging lunatic.
He confessed that he has been pissed about the sex. Pissed because I promised it to him on Monday and was too tired to deliver. (Nevermind that it happened Tuesday!) He was pissed that I mentioned it the following morning and brought a book to bed that night. "You arent serious are you?". Oh yea, he had been annoyed all week about it. Everytime I mention it, he apparently thinks about it ALL DAY, working himself into a frenzy.
Alot has been on the brain as mentioned before. I have also been juggling thoughts of ways to get my daughter a car. Ways to hold her former employer responsible for the environment she worked in. Ways to get myself back into school so my entire future is not in a trailer court. SEX? ..... since its not an immediate need (for me anyway) has taken a back seat. It doesnt occur to me.
I have explained to him numerous times that I am simply not entertained by crawling into bed and feeling a hand creep across the sheet. Or giving a good night kiss to have his tongue shoved down my throat. It feels like a comedy routine and my sex drive thrives off of the spontaneous and unknown. However, since I have no sex drive anymore apparently, it is going to have to be up to him to create these scenarios. Its not as if he is unaware or clueless about how to do that.....we have done it together for 5 years. But please honey......dont crawl into bed, turn out the light, turn on the alarm, kiss me goodnight with a snake tongue and expect me to jump all over you. Its gonna take more effort than that...on the part of the person who is interested.....(sorry its not me!) to get this motor running.
It all takes me back and makes me wonder.....why the hell cant people with similar sex drives attract each other?
Then entire time I was married my sex life confused me. I had a high sex drive at the time, or at least I thought I did....simply because my ex wasn't all that into the act. Once a month and the man was good to go. It wasnt a cage rattling experience or intimate by any means. It was a constant state of aggravation for me the entire time. Five whole minutes and it was over until next month. Needless to say it left me feeling unwanted, undesirable and at best, his friend. I dont recall many times it wasnt just plain awkward. I mean a hole in the fence could have provided him with that much. He had a vasectomy after our third child. Part of being neutered included.....you have to expel "the good stuff" before it is safe to not get pregnant. The doctor told him at least 15 times. I recall a day in my frustrated state that he flatly told me that he was on number 10. WHAT? I asked him point blank why I was not included in any of these rendevous. How can you be in the same house with a man that will not touch you, yet he is expelling himself 10 times in a matter of weeks!!! ALONE! And WHY? I came to the conclusion that he liked himself better than me. I wanted more sex, he knew that. We had counseling sessions and he told the counselor that he "just didnt think about it". It had nothing to do with men, he just didnt think about it??? Obiously he just wasnt thinking about ME. He preferred intimate encounters ALONE. Freak.
Fast forward to after our separation. I met MRLI and he had (and still has) the sex drive of a rabbit. One of the things I liked about him was that he was intimate. He loves to cuddle, loves affection in any form....never pushes me away for "hanging on him" during a hug. It made me feel desirable, wanted. We could lay wrapped in each others arms the entire night without moving. It was comforting, I was finally desired. Our mutual need for affection turned into major lust. We couldnt be around each other for long without feeling completely lustful. We had a magic, a physical connection that neither of us had ever had with anyone else. Chemistry.
I say HAD because I have somehow dropped out of that equation. Changes in meds, none of which have ever done anything but either kill my sex drive completley or leave me too drained to want to participate, have greatly affected this connection.
Sunday night when I got home from my big trip he was all over me. I felt pretty drained from the lack of sleep, so I told him after a restful night I would be more likely to want to participate. Monday night I found myself still tired, so tired that at 8 pm I was cuddling on the bed with my youngest, and he enters the room.....really pissed off. Of course my reaction was to be pissed that I couldnt sleep when I needed to. Ive always had insomnia and if my body was willing, and my mind is participating.....why is this NOT ALLOWED? That opportunity doesnt present itself very often. So instead of sleeping I did what I normally do when tired.....move. Just keep moving until the "allowed" bedtime. Naturally when we went to bed I was irritated at his childishness, so he knew better than to attempt anything. Jokingly I told him the next morning that "tonights the night".....apparently he looked forward to that all day. I hadnt given it a second thought. It was however "the night", and all was well. The following morning he was all over me again.....does this ever stop? Sheesh, can we still not be in the same room without ripping off all of our clothes???
My daughter brought home a book. I picked it up and started flipping through the pages. The first few chapters and I was hooked. It's a story of shocking abuse....similar to the sotry of Dave Pelzer's. I wish I could think of the name, but regardless, I was peeling back my eyelids as I tried to get through each chapter exhausted. MRLI was annoyed that I took the book to bed, but I couldnt put it down! I fell asleep reading.
This morning came his confession. As he rolled over and once again tried to become intimate (standard morning wake up call) I mumbled in frustration and climbed out of bed. He was visibly irritated, and I honestly didnt know why. Our house has been in chaos. There was my trip, shopping for my daughters weekend ski trip, my sister has been in the hospital for almost two weeks close to death.....Sex simply hasnt crossed my mind. It's nothing personal, but everyone knows I have a one track mind and am not capable of juggling ten things at once without becoming a raging lunatic.
He confessed that he has been pissed about the sex. Pissed because I promised it to him on Monday and was too tired to deliver. (Nevermind that it happened Tuesday!) He was pissed that I mentioned it the following morning and brought a book to bed that night. "You arent serious are you?". Oh yea, he had been annoyed all week about it. Everytime I mention it, he apparently thinks about it ALL DAY, working himself into a frenzy.
Alot has been on the brain as mentioned before. I have also been juggling thoughts of ways to get my daughter a car. Ways to hold her former employer responsible for the environment she worked in. Ways to get myself back into school so my entire future is not in a trailer court. SEX? ..... since its not an immediate need (for me anyway) has taken a back seat. It doesnt occur to me.
I have explained to him numerous times that I am simply not entertained by crawling into bed and feeling a hand creep across the sheet. Or giving a good night kiss to have his tongue shoved down my throat. It feels like a comedy routine and my sex drive thrives off of the spontaneous and unknown. However, since I have no sex drive anymore apparently, it is going to have to be up to him to create these scenarios. Its not as if he is unaware or clueless about how to do that.....we have done it together for 5 years. But please honey......dont crawl into bed, turn out the light, turn on the alarm, kiss me goodnight with a snake tongue and expect me to jump all over you. Its gonna take more effort than that...on the part of the person who is interested.....(sorry its not me!) to get this motor running.
It all takes me back and makes me wonder.....why the hell cant people with similar sex drives attract each other?
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 9:35 AM
5 Comments:
You did attract each other.
Problem is life tends to get in the way.
It isn't about understanding men or women, it's about everyone understanding everything around you.
You're not a failure. Life sucks.
I wish that sounded as positive as I mean it. ;)
my gosh, tarzan's sex drive is 1 constant in our relationship, lol. if i attracted someone like me, chances are we'd be on opposite tracks & NEVER have sex. at least this way, we do when i'm in the mood. :)~~
You solved your own problem...
Your sex drivehas taken a back seat - Go for a drive and...
Let your back seat kick in. You are in a rut of - "The bed is for sleep". Get out of bed, go on a road trip, and for cryin' out load take a blanket...
Either that or take a nap during the day.
I feel your pain.
came by to visit. i hope you're doing alright.
Medication is a mutha! My doctor tested my estrogen level and it was nil. They gave me the vivelle patch and I feel better. Less tired and more energy. Wellbutrin helps too. Some of the other meds that I was on were killing me and my sex drive.
I hope it gets better.
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