Saturday
Saturday was our great annual company Christmas party. Things that I plan have a tendency to turn to shit for some reason, but I was extremely hopeful about this evening. It had been a very long time since I was even interested in going anywhere, much less expect something fun to happen.
A week ago I mentioned to MRLI that Saturday would be my company dinner. His response "Why do they have to pick a weekend that I have kids?" Hmmm, perhaps if they gave a shit about anyones schedule, they would have consulted me since I work there. That didnt happen, so why would they go a step beyond and ask you? Idiot. So, as any noremal person would expect, I didnt look forward to bringing up the subject again to discuss what arrangements we would make for childcare....until I had to on Friday night. Of course, with his attitude lately being that of a nuclear time bomb, the fireworks began. How dare I tell them at work I will be going without asking him about it. How dare I just assume he could stay home with the kids? (His own kids mind you.....I had made arrangements for mine throughout the week)
As luck would have it, his ex called and she wasnt sending the kids because one had pink eye, another was spending the weekend with his grandmother....so there was only one child to consider. That was simple enough, it was settled. Until he went to pick them up on Saturday and the child with pink eye was also coming. Still, we managed to make arrangements, no matter how frequently he threw tantrums about various things.
I desperately needed a hair cut. I took my middle daughter with me to pick up gifts for the party, get my hair cut, and pick up a few groceries for the night. I was gone too long. I didnt pick out the right stuff for dinner. It was a pre cooked lasagna for the kids, but suddenly cooking time was an issue. I informed him of my intenetion to have a good time, and if he wanted to be a shit head he could stay home with his kids.
Dinner went well. Fabulous food, wine flowing, great conversations, alot of silliness among co workers. Then some of us decided to do a little dancing after dinner so we went to a karaoke bar and sang and danced and had a great time. Still great conversations, no indication of aNy type of problems.
MRLI was first out the door of the bar to go home. I tried catching up to him, but hit a patch of black ice and fell on my toushe in the parking lot. Of course I had a buzz on, so rather than feeling any pain I found it to be humorous. I got into the car, and with laughter said "It was nice of you to wait for me, some stranger just had to help me get off my butt out there." He blew a gasket. He was pissed I hadnt seen him talking to a co-worker earlier in the evening, pissed I hadnt heard other conversations going on among the loud music. He yelled at me for the duration of the ride home.
When we reached home we got onto the porch and he pushed me against the house. Never having been one to tolerate getting knocked around with out a fight, a physical altercation ensued. One that broke my glasses, bruised my back and elbows and pissed me off to no end. He's never hit me, never gotten physical with me really, but my daughter opened the door to see the shove and called the police. I had him escorted out of my house. Since he doesnt have anywhere to go and he couldnt drive, the only place he could be dumped at was his ex-wife's house. She let him sleep on the couch.
Sunday he comes home, wanting to talk. Admitting to having nager issues that he doesnt understand. I listen as he tells me that he knows he has tried to rob me of any joy in my life, that he is aware that he is doing it, but it seems to be impossible for him to control. He gets pissed about things and allows his anger to feed until it becomes this giant monster that has less and less control. He asks me to find him a counselor, he knows he needs help. He doesnt want to live out of a storage unit on weekends, he doesnt have the money to just go rent a place. I feel bad and agree that he has until his income tax return money to show some sign of improvement or he can use that money to get the hell out.
To be continued......
A week ago I mentioned to MRLI that Saturday would be my company dinner. His response "Why do they have to pick a weekend that I have kids?" Hmmm, perhaps if they gave a shit about anyones schedule, they would have consulted me since I work there. That didnt happen, so why would they go a step beyond and ask you? Idiot. So, as any noremal person would expect, I didnt look forward to bringing up the subject again to discuss what arrangements we would make for childcare....until I had to on Friday night. Of course, with his attitude lately being that of a nuclear time bomb, the fireworks began. How dare I tell them at work I will be going without asking him about it. How dare I just assume he could stay home with the kids? (His own kids mind you.....I had made arrangements for mine throughout the week)
As luck would have it, his ex called and she wasnt sending the kids because one had pink eye, another was spending the weekend with his grandmother....so there was only one child to consider. That was simple enough, it was settled. Until he went to pick them up on Saturday and the child with pink eye was also coming. Still, we managed to make arrangements, no matter how frequently he threw tantrums about various things.
I desperately needed a hair cut. I took my middle daughter with me to pick up gifts for the party, get my hair cut, and pick up a few groceries for the night. I was gone too long. I didnt pick out the right stuff for dinner. It was a pre cooked lasagna for the kids, but suddenly cooking time was an issue. I informed him of my intenetion to have a good time, and if he wanted to be a shit head he could stay home with his kids.
Dinner went well. Fabulous food, wine flowing, great conversations, alot of silliness among co workers. Then some of us decided to do a little dancing after dinner so we went to a karaoke bar and sang and danced and had a great time. Still great conversations, no indication of aNy type of problems.
MRLI was first out the door of the bar to go home. I tried catching up to him, but hit a patch of black ice and fell on my toushe in the parking lot. Of course I had a buzz on, so rather than feeling any pain I found it to be humorous. I got into the car, and with laughter said "It was nice of you to wait for me, some stranger just had to help me get off my butt out there." He blew a gasket. He was pissed I hadnt seen him talking to a co-worker earlier in the evening, pissed I hadnt heard other conversations going on among the loud music. He yelled at me for the duration of the ride home.
When we reached home we got onto the porch and he pushed me against the house. Never having been one to tolerate getting knocked around with out a fight, a physical altercation ensued. One that broke my glasses, bruised my back and elbows and pissed me off to no end. He's never hit me, never gotten physical with me really, but my daughter opened the door to see the shove and called the police. I had him escorted out of my house. Since he doesnt have anywhere to go and he couldnt drive, the only place he could be dumped at was his ex-wife's house. She let him sleep on the couch.
Sunday he comes home, wanting to talk. Admitting to having nager issues that he doesnt understand. I listen as he tells me that he knows he has tried to rob me of any joy in my life, that he is aware that he is doing it, but it seems to be impossible for him to control. He gets pissed about things and allows his anger to feed until it becomes this giant monster that has less and less control. He asks me to find him a counselor, he knows he needs help. He doesnt want to live out of a storage unit on weekends, he doesnt have the money to just go rent a place. I feel bad and agree that he has until his income tax return money to show some sign of improvement or he can use that money to get the hell out.
To be continued......
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 1:45 PM
8 Comments:
YIKES lady! you can't let feeling bad for him, or the fact that it is the first time make it be ok... take care of you first...
btw... i did the meme below, you can find it on my Now this is looney blog in my sidebar (or in my profile)....
take care!
OH.HELL.NO. NO NO NO NO.... what he did was UNACCEPTABLE, Gigglez; and to make matters worse, your DAUGHTER witnessed this.
i dont care how sorry he says he is, the point is HE PUT HIS HANDS ON YOU. YOU sustained injury from fighting with him, so being brutally honest HE NEEDS TO GO NOW.
AS.SOON.AS.POSSIBLE.
if he's got anger issues, and he takes it out on you, then i'm sorry hon, but Mista Live-In would be Mista Get-OUT. let him find a counselor ON HIS OWN. he wants you to feel sorry for him, and God forbid if he gets angry again.
dont wait until he gets his refund money for him to "show some sign of improvement"...show his ass the door NOW. your kids do not need to see that kind of behavior coming from him. it's bad enough he verbally abused you, and soon enough it graduates to physical.
GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE ASAP!
Mr LI is son of a bitch. He should have stopped talking to his co-worker and helped you. I do agree he needs to get some anger management classes.
What he did was just plain abusive. I am glad your daughter had enough sense to call the cops. Get him out of your home before it gets worse. You can do so much better.
Take care of you!
i was in this type of relationship many years ago--of course stayed for a number of reasons--some of which you mentioned--it became worse and worse with every passing incident--i landed in the hospital on a number of occasions--the final straw occured when i was strong enough to fight back and ended up injuring him--and was actually charged (later dropped)--but it scared the hell out of me that i was pushed to the point of almost killing someone---it escalates slowly but it does and will get to the point of kill or be killed--
maybe your situation will be different-goodness knows i hope so as no one should have to live like that-but that is how mine begain--and if i am wrong wonderful--if not please learn from me
marie
Ummmm. Wow. Physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. Never.
Sometimes we have to give people the benefit of the doubt... allow them to grow and change and seek help. Especially if we love them.
Please be sure he didn't just say that to keep himself near you... that he really means to get serious help. I know this is terribly hard for you because it's not acceptable, but you want him to change because you care.
Take care of yourself G.
OMG.. Please re-consider being kind-hearted. Being this way has caused me much heartache. There is no way to be stable in this type of relationship. He acknowledges that he is doing these things and then throws the responsibility back on you... Asking YOU to find him a counsellor? HE Should be doing that. If he hit you once he will do it again... I have been there and done that. PLease show your daughter that you are not only going to protect yourself, but her too by getting him the hell out of your life.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE forgive me if I offend you with this post. I just really want for you to be safe,
Sandi
ditto what mizeeyore said. Get out now
There are huge gigantic burning red flags all over the place. You & your kids need to get out or kick him the hell out of there, get a restraining order & change the locks. Please!
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