Blood & Cheesesticks

My daughters boyfriend stated the other night that he is in exactly the same spot as he was last year at this time. His life had not changed one iota, he had made no progress in his life whatsoever. That statment has been lingering with me today making my mind swirl around it with my life's comparison.

Mr Live In's parents came for the holiday. His mother was helpful with the cleaning and cooking, this time it was his aunts turn to complain and she did - right down to the salt that we use. I didnt let it bother me much, miserable people complaint non-stop, thats just the nature of their personalities. Whoa is me, I have nothing intelligent to say so I will just sit here and bitch. The food was great, the games we played after dinner were fun.

Mr Live In's son decided to attack my daughter after she objected to his use of her favorite night time stuffed puppy. Knocked her into the coffee table, bruised her arm and this in front of other members of his family who just sat there watching tv as if nothing was happening. His punishment was sitting on the floor in the same room the grown ups were playing games and interacting with them while the other children were expected to go to sleep. No words about the difference between a whallop to your 95 pound brother vs. the 60 pound GIRL you just bashed. No apology, nothing much at all.

The following day, same son pushed his sister and she cut open the bottom of her foot requiring an ER visit and four stitches. I have been noticing lately that the gap that exists between blended families (ie your kid vs. mine) has been the karma involved for stupid dads choices. He did nothing, and the same problem bit him in his own ass rather than mine. Still nothing. In fact, when I pointed out the problem he became angry and yelled at me "Why does it always have to be one persons fault?" Hmm, maybe because that ONE PERSON is always in the vicinity when someone else is bleeding? Ingenious of me to think of it I know, but consider that possibility in your crime solving moron. (Later I over heard him admit to his ex wife that this son had been involved in several fights in the house over the weekend and he was considering giving him away. Brilliant man I tell you, brilliant. Dont discipline him whatever you do, just make stupid comments. Must be genetic.)

Still the next day this same son once again kicked my daughter when she tried to share matchbox cars with the injured child. At that point I threatened to make him sit on the couch at every visitation from now on if he could not keep his limbs to himself. And I loudly gave the "you are a boy and this is a girl" lecture to him (and probably the rest of the house) As toddlers I could see this struggle, but as children between 10 and 12 ? Your excuses for beating on each other just dont wash with me and are not ok. I dont even give a shit who started it. Does anyone else see the difference? Its not really being impartial to my child, shes a scrawny little girl and these are 90-some pound boys!! It seems like obvious math to me, but not to his family. Of course while typing this I can also say that his family fully approves and condones public farting. In fact if you can get a contest going, you are even more of a talent. They are also public beer belchers. Female, male makes no difference. They all fart, blech and hock loogies like competitors. Female loogies? That would have gotten you slapped in my house growing up. Much like my brothers would have been pounded had they laid their hands on a female. Some things just arent acceptable. Those were two biggies. Girls behave like girls, and boys respect the differences.

Sunday wasnt any better. After the company left a friend called and wanted me to go have lunch. We love to sit around and bs while munching on appetizers and coffee. (This would only be our second time in about 5 years...I usually decline to avoid the hassle.) Mr Live In threw a fit. He hates that I spend time with anyone but him. I am either accused of ignoring him on weekends when we have no kids, or of sticking him with all of the responsibility if we do. Its a no-win sitation. While I was gone he filled my teenager full of his shit, blithering about how "fucked up" it was that I went. Juvenile behavior? Absolutely. Typical? Yup, even though we have had a zillion and one conversations about how inappropriate it is to vent to the children. He refused to help my daughter with a car problem because I was out to lunch with my best friend. He pouted when I came home and blithered about how nice it must be for me to get to go out to eat while the rest of them stayed home. (Yea, cheese sticks and finger food was pretty fucking elaborate of us folks.)

Sunday night, after making several rude comments about my weight and my appearance, we climb into bed. He states that the reason he always rolls to my side of the bed is because I weight that side down when I get in. Ok, I have a few extra, but not enough to dent a fucking mattress. He laughs, thinking its a funny hahah, and I tell him to just go to sleep. Within ten minutes he says hes not tired. "Do ya wanna have nookie?" Hmmm, do I wear a sign that says beat me down then fuck me? I think not. I sarcastically decline. This sends him into a speech about how I used to like it and how Im not interested anymore. (Can you imagine???) I know he's not this stupid, that it's just another way for him to place blame on me for something. How do I KNOW he's not that stupid? Friday when he came home he was Mr Loving. Mr I Cant Keep My Hands Off You, even if it just for a hug. Mr I Cant Tell You Enough How Much I Love You. Mr. Come Here, Kiss Me, sit on my lap. Did he get lucky that night? Yup. Did he know that tactic would work? Oh yea. Did I know what he was up to the moment he walked in the door? Of course. But put simply, if you are going to be that nice, that attentive and that caring it's going to throw me off and I will give it up. After all, I have been wishing you would bring out this side more often and am more than happy to reward it.

It's comments like "Looks like I dontaed the rest of my check for groceries this week" that really drive home that we are not a family regardless of our attempts at pretending to be one. He never hugs my children, although his kids hug and kiss on me all the time. Its like breaking his neck to get him to fix the teens car and god forbid spend a fucking dime that didnt come from child support on any of them. I dont see how that makes us a family. Families share. When his son hated his underwear and refused to wear them, I bought him boxers in an attempt to fix the problem. In his mind the children go without while the adults revel in the cash flow because they earned it. I was raised different. Sure the adults had nicer cars, bigger rooms in the house, their own toilet, etc. But I know my mom was just like me. She would have gone without to give to her kids. My kids wear shoes I would never have thought to bought for myself. They get new clothing alot more often than I do. If I have a choice between spending my last $10 on myself or bringing a smile to one of their faces....the choice is an obvious one for me.

I am sick of him. Sick of his controlling antics. Sick of his negative influence in my house. I want him out. I do feel bad that he gave away alot of his shit to move in with me. Maybe my bluntness about not committing should have been a clue.

Pray for me. I need to make the best decision for my house and I know what it is. I have played on this merry-go-round with this guy for over 5 years of my life and like my daughters boyfriend........there has been absolutely no progress.