Out of the Darkness
The last few weeks were really hard. Depression hit me straight on like a freight train and I crashed as usual in the path of it's destruction. I'm better now, thankful that the darkness that usually simply creeps around me rushed through the process this time.
A week of abnormal thinking that I couldnt control. A week of arguing with my brain that the thoughts I was having were completely irrational and the tiredness I was feeling was just the funk. Of course the funk included a bout with the flu and some crappy hanger on'er cold that has a death grip on my system. Add to that my female problems and wullah!!! Down for the count. So weak I couldnt function, so tired I could have slept forever.
Part of this last funk was simply my need to beat the hell out of myself for my inability to handle everything. I'm sick, but my brain couldnt care less and continued to banter me about all of the things my body wouldnt allow me to accomplish. Finally Saturday, waking up ill for yet another day, I burst into tears at the thought that I was STILL not well. Listen body, I have shit to do. I'm sick and tired of the bitching going on at me in my head to get things cleaned up and get things re-organized. It's amazing how fast your house can turn into a shit hole when you are sick, single and have kids. Sunday I woke up and was thrilled that all of my symptoms were gone other than a nasty cough. I tore the place apart. It feels good to have things clean and normal again. No more hunting in the laundry baskets for clean underwear, no more sniffing socks to see if they will get you by just one more day. (Just kidding, didnt really do that one....but it was the feeling) Everything is in it's place......ahhhh.
Thank you to those of you who supported me through my pity party and self hatred. You Rock!!! Now, can you please tell me a simple way to get my picture on my damn profile!!! I swear I'm not retarded, "special", "challenged" , nor did I take the short bus to school...... but when I try to do this you sure cant tell!
A week of abnormal thinking that I couldnt control. A week of arguing with my brain that the thoughts I was having were completely irrational and the tiredness I was feeling was just the funk. Of course the funk included a bout with the flu and some crappy hanger on'er cold that has a death grip on my system. Add to that my female problems and wullah!!! Down for the count. So weak I couldnt function, so tired I could have slept forever.
Part of this last funk was simply my need to beat the hell out of myself for my inability to handle everything. I'm sick, but my brain couldnt care less and continued to banter me about all of the things my body wouldnt allow me to accomplish. Finally Saturday, waking up ill for yet another day, I burst into tears at the thought that I was STILL not well. Listen body, I have shit to do. I'm sick and tired of the bitching going on at me in my head to get things cleaned up and get things re-organized. It's amazing how fast your house can turn into a shit hole when you are sick, single and have kids. Sunday I woke up and was thrilled that all of my symptoms were gone other than a nasty cough. I tore the place apart. It feels good to have things clean and normal again. No more hunting in the laundry baskets for clean underwear, no more sniffing socks to see if they will get you by just one more day. (Just kidding, didnt really do that one....but it was the feeling) Everything is in it's place......ahhhh.
Thank you to those of you who supported me through my pity party and self hatred. You Rock!!! Now, can you please tell me a simple way to get my picture on my damn profile!!! I swear I'm not retarded, "special", "challenged" , nor did I take the short bus to school...... but when I try to do this you sure cant tell!
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 3:10 PM
10 Comments:
You are fretty!! and not 'tarded at all.
I feel the exact same way today... only without the female problems.
If I had those it might indicate something worse.
I'm so sorry Gigglez, hope you feel better soon!!!!!!
:* Princess
manica - thanks - somehow I did manage to figure it out. Doubtful its the traditional way, since others seem to change photos so easily.....but it did work. Wahoo....
Dan,
Id have to agree with that....although on occasion I do notice on your blog that there is some indication of female trouble.....just not the same kind. ; )
Princess - thanks! I seem to be doing well! - all the better after warm fuzzy comments. ;)
I'm glad you are feeling better :) and Im glad you figured out the picture thing. I know how you feel about a shit hole house, mine is awful because Ive been in a slump. Sometimes we just have to wait until the sun shines again.
I'm reading a book about bipolar that I'm going to be posting about today, come by and read it if you get a chance!
:* Princess
you are a very pretty woman Gigglez! you are FAR from being "retarded"; in fact, you are very intelligent and i love your sense of humor. my heart goes out to you when you are going thru a rough patch, but as the Bible says, "this too, shall pass."
p.s. when is your birthday? i'd like to send you a belated b-day E-card!
take care of yourself because there's only one YOU!
miz e
btw: doesnt this word verification thingy seem like Blogger interviewed random drunks to give suggestions, i.e., kktus, grlbrge, etc....
mzze - no wonder I like your comments...(smile)
I hate the word verification...particularly when it takes me three times to guess the letters they have on the screen....and yea, now that you mention it, it might work better intoxicated!
My birthday is Sept 10 - Im a virgo, which might explain part of my self torture when things are just so.
And I do hang on to that passage.....I rely heavily on things like that when things are darkest.
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