Kens Mail
My best friend and I are planning a New years Eve party. Just a little get together of games, kids, movies, popcorn, wine....whatever, we are still in the beginning stages. We have been putting it off since we decided to do one, mainly because the only people in the group who even like each other is her and me. Great, eh? We've had bouts with each others bf's, mainly in defense of each other, and we basically tolerate each others partner for the sake of our friendship. It hasnt been that often that the four of us have gotten together. The few times it did happen, inevitable one couple or the other would end up in a fight. So although we decided several week ago that we wanted to do something, it wasnt until last night that she decided to drop the bomb on her b\f. She claims he was thrilled, looking forward to company.
Today at work I get an email from him. Our conversation is below:
HIM: So I hear you and yours are joining us for a New Years Eve party……..I know R bought some new games as X-mas presents for the kids, and I’m sure we’ll have some wine and “spirits” on tap. Should be fun………..oh, one note though you have leave (Mr Live In) and his (children) elsewhere…….!!!!!
ME: (trying to diffuse what I interpret as being very rude) Im assuming his "charm" has not escaped anyone's attention. R did mention something about black tarps and duct tape. I fully intend to ditch the children, although Im not so sure I will be able to hide from him as successfully. If not, we can always spike his drink (with oh I dunno, arsenic) and he may sleep right through it. I was thinking of game shopping as well. "Chutes and Ladders" is getting rather boring.
HIM: Serious………don’t bring him along…….
What would YOU say?
There were several instances in which Mr Live In and I would get into a fight, or he would publically humiliate me in the company of these friends. However, the same could be said about their relationship. They have displayed their dirty laundry and tempers on more than one occasion while out with us.
Ironically, this past week things have been better with Mr Live In. I dont understand why this viscious cycle continues to reverberate through this relationship and dont know how I can feel things for him one week when he is decent and so intensely hate him the next several weeks while he behaves like a jackass. What the hell? Certainly not love, but what the hell is it? Sickness? Who is feeding off who? Am I really vulnerable enough that he can be a dick until I get sick of it and then he can be nice until he's tired of being nice and I tolerate this? Is that possible? Is it possible that there are times the bipolar monster robs me of feeling anything but anger and hate? And then back to love? Does this monster control my feelings, how I react to things and when? What the hell? Last week I was planning a place to bury his remains...this week I am content. Is it because he is being nicer, afraid he has pushed me too far....or is my perception of his being nice even real?
What do I do with this invitation? I suppose by New Years we will be in a pissing match about something again, and going alone wont be a problem. I feel stupid though, wondering what the hell I do about this party and his being DIS-INVITED. Thats awkward for me, particularly since I know for certain that it is not the idea of my best friend. She wouldnt make me choose, she never has. So who the hell is her b\f to decide who he wants to invite when he isnt even planning this get together. In fact, I know she doesnt even know about the email he sent me. I thought of asking her about it, but decided that could be left for later, shes having a shitty day and I dont plan to add to it.
My brain is swimming in circles.
Today at work I get an email from him. Our conversation is below:
HIM: So I hear you and yours are joining us for a New Years Eve party……..I know R bought some new games as X-mas presents for the kids, and I’m sure we’ll have some wine and “spirits” on tap. Should be fun………..oh, one note though you have leave (Mr Live In) and his (children) elsewhere…….!!!!!
ME: (trying to diffuse what I interpret as being very rude) Im assuming his "charm" has not escaped anyone's attention. R did mention something about black tarps and duct tape. I fully intend to ditch the children, although Im not so sure I will be able to hide from him as successfully. If not, we can always spike his drink (with oh I dunno, arsenic) and he may sleep right through it. I was thinking of game shopping as well. "Chutes and Ladders" is getting rather boring.
HIM: Serious………don’t bring him along…….
What would YOU say?
There were several instances in which Mr Live In and I would get into a fight, or he would publically humiliate me in the company of these friends. However, the same could be said about their relationship. They have displayed their dirty laundry and tempers on more than one occasion while out with us.
Ironically, this past week things have been better with Mr Live In. I dont understand why this viscious cycle continues to reverberate through this relationship and dont know how I can feel things for him one week when he is decent and so intensely hate him the next several weeks while he behaves like a jackass. What the hell? Certainly not love, but what the hell is it? Sickness? Who is feeding off who? Am I really vulnerable enough that he can be a dick until I get sick of it and then he can be nice until he's tired of being nice and I tolerate this? Is that possible? Is it possible that there are times the bipolar monster robs me of feeling anything but anger and hate? And then back to love? Does this monster control my feelings, how I react to things and when? What the hell? Last week I was planning a place to bury his remains...this week I am content. Is it because he is being nicer, afraid he has pushed me too far....or is my perception of his being nice even real?
What do I do with this invitation? I suppose by New Years we will be in a pissing match about something again, and going alone wont be a problem. I feel stupid though, wondering what the hell I do about this party and his being DIS-INVITED. Thats awkward for me, particularly since I know for certain that it is not the idea of my best friend. She wouldnt make me choose, she never has. So who the hell is her b\f to decide who he wants to invite when he isnt even planning this get together. In fact, I know she doesnt even know about the email he sent me. I thought of asking her about it, but decided that could be left for later, shes having a shitty day and I dont plan to add to it.
My brain is swimming in circles.
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 2:30 PM
12 Comments:
I think asking your best friend about it would do good. The situation ain't good for anyone, but facing it head on, although the tough route, will be best for everyone in the end.
And it sounds like you tow can be honest about each other's boyfriends, so I woulnd't worry.
The bipolar monster keeps us from making the right choices sometimes, or seeing the reality of things. I don't want to trip you out (but knowing what your best friend says about Mr. Live-in), isn't it just as possible that the good times are the result of bipolar and the bad times are the reality, rather than vice-versa?
I think that's something you should continue to explore. You deserve to not have to put up with crap: no matter where it's coming from.
Stage a fight with (Mr. Live In) New Year's Eve, then storm out of the house all pissed off. Say you're going to your friend's house and make it clear that you are so mad at him that you don't want to see him "until next year". Then after the "refreshments" have been consumed, you can call him up to come get you - after you've come to your senses - and have make up sex...
DUH! Sometimes I amaze even myself...
Your friend has the right to ask him not to come, but it is rude. Especially the way it was put.
Talking to her sounds good. About the situation with Mr. Live-in, it kinda sounds like a vicious cycle of a very bad, if not abusive, relationship. I'm not trying to step on your toes or anything, but I want to be honest with you. If you have a counselor or someone to talk with about it, it would most likely help.
~ take it easy
I agree with Dan & Jane. Maggs, your situation sounds very much like mine was, public humiliation and then laying all the blame at your feet because you have a mental illness.
Dan,
Youre right....brutal honesty has been the backbone of our friendship. We both insist on it from the other.
I do plan to continue to explore my monster effects on relationships. It can be very difficult to distinguish which emotion to follow.
Squid - That exact scenario has played itself over in my mind. Im glad to see Im not the only one who thinks that way at times.
Jane - I agree, I need a therapist. ; )
Princess - I wish I had thopught of that yesterday. Its not too late to make the comment however, and I am truthfully considering that one. They do, however, live together....so uninviting him to his house may be challenging.
Manica....our situation is similar...I keep up on your blog.
hey gigglez:
*takes deep calming breath*
though i'm not bipolar, i do have "psychotic features" conjoined with depression, so i can understand somewhat of the wonkiness of making a decision when your brain is on overload.
i would take my time in coming to the "is that your final answer" point *grins*
now then. WHODAFUCK DIED AND CALLED YOUR FRIEND'S B/F GOD? how DARE he make the decision to uninvite YOUR b/f, when HE didnt make the plans in the first damn place! how incredibly rude of him!
this dude gets the "INCREDIBLY STUPID AND DUMB BEYOND BELIEF" award for insensitivity.
however; if you and Mista Live-In just happen to snap on each other before NYE, i'd take Squid's suggestion....
take care of yourself bcuz there's only one YOU!
Im like Princess, I still say DUMP HIM...but, I will also say that your friend's b/f is stupid. You cant just invite someone and tell them their significant other cant come along...whats he thinking there. I say you & your friend ditch them both and go do something cool.
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