REWARD FOR LOST VIBRATOR
Last night I was laying in bed, trying to relax. Watching the lights dance off the ceiling and mirrors, breathing deeply, almost a sleep when something caught my eye. The box.
A little over a year ago I went out and got wasted with Mr Live In. We werent living together at the time, and he worked out of town. During our outrageous evening we decided to (at my insistence) stop at a porn shop. Don't ask me why. Sober Ive never been in one. Drunk Ive had sex in the tiny rooms where you put the coins in to continue watching. Anyway, I decided that he should buy me a "toy." Of course he knew that he better comply, because I can be quite belligerent and persistent under the influence. He complied, although I am certain to this day he is jealous of said "toy."
The following morning in our soberness, I started to mind scan possible places in the house to hide this gadget from small, wondering eyes. Thus the box. An old victorian box that I have had for eons, containing basic junk that I dont know where else to put. My toy has rested peacefully in that box (I swear its true!) for months.
When my eyes crossed paths with the box, my curiosity got the best of me. (I swear!) I went to the closet, opened the box and much to my horror discovered that it wasnt there!!!!!
Now this is not the type of thing that you can just start asking family memebers about! "Honey, have you seen mommies vibrator" are not words that will ever cross these lips! I cant ask the kids, and a part of me is terrified that either they know about it, have hidden it from me, or it will be found in the box of toys at our next yard sale.
The only other aternative is Mr Live In. Sure, I could call him and say "Honey have you seen my vibrator?" His jealous response, even if guilty, would be "WHY?"
This isnt something I would call and tell him that I did last night, any more than I would expect a call from him telling me that he pleasured himself in the shower while he was out of town. Just a tad more information than I need to have. Do what you need to do, just leave me out of the equation. Perhaps he wanted to know if having that thing was the reason for my lack of interest lately so he hid it, hoping I would ask. Of the two scenarios, I pray (if you can pray about such things) that this is the one. Afterall, no one else in their right mind would want to touch it. Would they?
A little over a year ago I went out and got wasted with Mr Live In. We werent living together at the time, and he worked out of town. During our outrageous evening we decided to (at my insistence) stop at a porn shop. Don't ask me why. Sober Ive never been in one. Drunk Ive had sex in the tiny rooms where you put the coins in to continue watching. Anyway, I decided that he should buy me a "toy." Of course he knew that he better comply, because I can be quite belligerent and persistent under the influence. He complied, although I am certain to this day he is jealous of said "toy."
The following morning in our soberness, I started to mind scan possible places in the house to hide this gadget from small, wondering eyes. Thus the box. An old victorian box that I have had for eons, containing basic junk that I dont know where else to put. My toy has rested peacefully in that box (I swear its true!) for months.
When my eyes crossed paths with the box, my curiosity got the best of me. (I swear!) I went to the closet, opened the box and much to my horror discovered that it wasnt there!!!!!
Now this is not the type of thing that you can just start asking family memebers about! "Honey, have you seen mommies vibrator" are not words that will ever cross these lips! I cant ask the kids, and a part of me is terrified that either they know about it, have hidden it from me, or it will be found in the box of toys at our next yard sale.
The only other aternative is Mr Live In. Sure, I could call him and say "Honey have you seen my vibrator?" His jealous response, even if guilty, would be "WHY?"
This isnt something I would call and tell him that I did last night, any more than I would expect a call from him telling me that he pleasured himself in the shower while he was out of town. Just a tad more information than I need to have. Do what you need to do, just leave me out of the equation. Perhaps he wanted to know if having that thing was the reason for my lack of interest lately so he hid it, hoping I would ask. Of the two scenarios, I pray (if you can pray about such things) that this is the one. Afterall, no one else in their right mind would want to touch it. Would they?
Regardless, he is out as well. If I call and ask he will assume that I am horny and all weekend long it will be "Sure, you wanted the vibrator, just not me." I'm just not up for that conversation.
Perhaps I could post this note on the refrigerator:
REWARD: LOST PINK AND PURPLE RUBBER WRITHING TOY...CORD ATTACHED. TWO DOUBLE D BATTERIES INCLUDED. IF FOUND PLEASE GIVE TO YOUR MOM SO SHE CAN RETURN IT TO ME. .................. LOVE, GRANDMA.
posted by Gigglezngrinz at 12:56 PM
8 Comments:
Hilarious! Funny thing, this has actually happened to me!!! For some reason, I always know my husband's hiding spots, even thought they are always different. I found my little purple pleasure machine in his old high school baseball mit. Haven't a clue what made me look there, but there it was. And, I did call him. "Um, honey, why are you hiding my vibrator from me?" "I wasn't hiding it. It was poking out from between the mattress and the box spring and I didn't want the kids to see it." "So why not put it in my closet?" "Why do you even need it right now???" See, you just can't win that one!
Take care!
Shannin
(looneybindropout.blog-city.com)
Oh, I just read your previous post, and must know where you are at....keno machines? i'm from Reno and just relocated to Vegas.
Shannin
Just the conversation I am trying to avoid.
Montana.... we have'em too.
LOL! You kept it in your old box. I love the double entandre...
AHAHAHAAAaaaaaaa! That is so funny! I might have a solution for you...It involves telling a white lie, but it may save a hurt ego and turn him on at the same time. Next time you are in bed and things are heating up tell him you want him to stimulate you (pick a body part, there's plenty) with said "toy" while he penetrates you, then get up and go to the closet and exclaim "Oh my God! it's missing! Do you think the kids took it because I haven't seen it since the night we bought it!" If he has a look of horror when you mention the kids then you'll know you better go looking through the toy boxes. Here's hoping he pulls it out of his sock drawer and gives some lame explaination.
Ok that has to be the cutest mommy story I have read in forever. I am scared to have things of this nature just because I know one of my children would thake it to school for show and tell!
Joney
ROFLMABFAO! i love it! post it! post it!
btw..love your site. feel free to stop by mine. mizeeyore.blogspot.com.
take care
p.s. i have a box with all of my 'arsenal' of toys too. they havent been used in so long there are probably cobwebs on 'em lol
I will spare the rest of you the looking up I had to do on Squid's comment. : )
Double entrande = double meaning.
hey, i cant be the only one wondering!
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